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Jan. 17th, 2010

born this way undead gaga and friend1

Now only an elite few have the privilege of reading my fascinating gems of reflection

From now on my journal will be Friends Only.

I hate doing this because I'm the creepy type of lurker that likes to read people's entries without necessarily knowing them, and I'm not offended in the least by people I don't know reading my entries. But I've had some spammers as of recent and plus I'm a little paranoid I'm going to end up in a mock community for something stupid I've said. XD 

Just comment if you want to be added, I don't bite! :)

Jan. 16th, 2010

born this way undead gaga and friend1

I need a reality check

ED rambling crap...lolCollapse )

I NEED to make next week a good week.

School seems like it's going well though. French is going to be really tough. I haven't done french in a year and a half, and apparently GV's french 101 learns some past tenses that we definitey did not do. I have a lot of catching up to do. :/

But stats is oddly easy so far. I think it's because I already had a U of M 100 level stats class, and honestly we learned more in one day in my U of M class than we have all week so far even though this is supposedly higher level. I think U of M has harder stats classes so I'm going to luck out there because this class equals the credit of U of M's stat 350.  Anatomy is supposed to really tough,  and I've definitely got my work cut out for me there but I'm good at memorizing when I need to be. And I like my chem teacher a lot. And I actually went to ALL of my classes this week and plan on doing the same this time - no more skipping and no more getting behind this semester. :P

Jan. 15th, 2010

born this way undead gaga and friend1


Just as I promised, I've put up some pictures of my favorite beasts from my new camera! :) I've got some of Bella, her sister Callie, and my mom's cats that I took around Christmas time.


Cuteness Ahead :)Collapse )

Jan. 13th, 2010

born this way undead gaga and friend1

Social anxiety. And bangs.

I don't know if it's just the medication or what but I'm feeling surprisingly calm and mellow for the start of a new semester. Also the SA has improved. I don't dread going to classes where I may have to speak so much like I used to. It's really nice. Yesterday I ate dinner with Dana and her friends for Dana's birthday and I was just so shocked at how at ease I felt.

Except now I have a new thing to be self conscious about. We were all talking about hair and they were saying how I would look good with bangs. I said I didn't think so because it would make me look even younger and I already look young. And so her friend Sara chimes in saying that no, it wouldn't make me look younger, and it would "make your  face look a lot smaller, too." 

I know it's really a pretty innocuous comment and I'm being way too sensitive but now I keep thinking about it. Smaller is basically a nice way of saying "thinner" and  It's even worse because it's not like she said my current haircut makes my face look thinner but that I'd have to do something to it to make it look that way. I don't even usually think about my face because I'm so concerned with the size of my body but now I'm noticing a lot more. :(

I'm torn between standing my ground on my original position and asking for bangs next time. What do you think?

Jan. 12th, 2010

born this way undead gaga and friend1

late night tv is srs bsns

...Why does ONTD hate Jay Leno so much? Yeah I guess maybe he should have stepped down when his contract was up, but he was pushed to step down in the first place when he really didn't want to. And NBC really didn't even give his new show a chance at all.

IDK, I grew up watching Jay almost every night (that I was awake at that time) with my mom and we both love him. I honestly do think he's funny and he just seems like a sweet man. I always wanted to go see a taping of his show. I love Conan too though, and I feel bad he's getting screwed over.

I like both of them, and the thought of them hating each other over this whole mess makes me very sad. :( (LOOOOOSER. LOL.)

Will update on how the new school semester is when I get a better feel for how my classes/teachers are going to be, it's always hard to tell at the early stages. :P 

Jan. 10th, 2010

born this way undead gaga and friend1

Going back today

Somebody dropped and I ended up getting my spot back into my chem class! YAY! Also this is the only time I've ever had ALL smiley face rated prof's from ratemyprofessor. It's usually mostly the opposite. (Watch me hate them all now, haha). Only problem is I have an 8 a.m. chem discussion on Tuesday and an 8 a.m. lab on Wednesday. Bleh. BUT I'm in such a good sleeping schedule right now. Last night I went to bed at 11:45 and woke up at 8 today and didn't even wake up inbetween! :)

I was anxious to get back but I'm actually feeling kind of sad today about leaving.

I'm more sad for my mom than anything, really.  My dad works really long hours, and I think she gets lonely and bored even though she always says she's glad she doesn't have to work and wouldn't want to. I've always felt like dad defines himself by his work, and my mom defines herself as a mother. I think having all her kids grown is really hard for her I think (hence why she tends to still try to micromanage and be overly involved sometimes I think). I know my parents love eachother but I feel like they  aren't really in love, they're more like companions/friends. I know that marriages tend to become more that way over time, but I've watched my parents over the years and I feel like I would be so sad if my husband was an (overall) unemotional guy and workaholic.

It's hard enough having a father that way in the first place - you eventually have to realize the things he does that show he loves you. He's not warm, and he's quick to criticize, doesn't take the time to see you/call you. But whenever I'm home he cleans the snow off my car, he checks the tires, takes the oil to get changed, etc, things like that. Not to mention the fact that 95% of everything he works for goes to his wife and kids and he's never complained about that once. My mom has even told me that she used to get upset when she was younger because he was so unemotional until she learned  that's just how he is, it's nothing against her or anyone. I don't know...I guess she's always seemed content with her marriage, and it's really not really my business anyway to judge their relationship. I just wish she would find something she really enjoys that she could get involved in so she would be happier and less bored.

LOL it's kind of funny how I get irritated with my mother for trying to micromanage my life and worrying so much about me, but I do the same thing to her really. I guess I have to let her take care of herself too.

Jan. 8th, 2010

born this way undead gaga and friend1

nothing important, just need to vent

Long story short, today while playing with my class schedule I accidentally dropped a class and can't get back in due to the wonky registration system GVSU has. And I am having a really hard time getting anyone  I've contacted about it to actually try to help me. I'm probably going to have to fill out a closed class permission slip now and all that jazz because my spot in the class filled up right away, unless someone drops. Sucks how one wrong click of a button can take hours to correct. :/

Today has just been one of those days.

Jan. 7th, 2010

born this way undead gaga and friend1


I hate crying in front of people, even my own mom/family. It's usually just embarrassing for me and doesn't make me feel relieved even when it's over, to be honest. 

cut for length, about a counseling session i just hadCollapse )

Jan. 4th, 2010

born this way undead gaga and friend1

same old boring crap I always talk about

Today I cleaned my room and bathroom perfectly! It's noted that I didn't exactly choose to do it myself (mom was getting fed up) but I still feel good for getting it done. They were both trashed to the highest extent.

Also yesterday I did something social for once! Laurie will be so proud, lol. I got together for dinner with three of my high school friends. It was actually really enjoyable. I like smaller social outings like this with a set start and point. It really helps lessen the anxiety than the sleepover marathon lets-spend-every-waking-second-together thing my cousin and her friends like to do. :P

weight/fat talk, behaviors mentioned, whiningCollapse )

Jan. 2nd, 2010

born this way undead gaga and friend1

what is this post I don't even


an odd assortment of topicsCollapse )

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